after 6 months of neglecting this blog of mine, finally, a new post! it seems like a lifetime ago since i last made my 'lackluster' post. back then, i was so emo and negative and exhausted of everything, which in little doses i still am, though now i have learned to be more positive and to always try look at the bigger picture - that my life isn't perfect but i'm still blessed in more ways than one. as they say, life is what you make it. so right after writing my last post, i had an awakening. i realized that i should stop procrastinating and blabbering about how miserable my life is but instead focus on how to turn my life around. if i want to change my life's direction, i should act to make those changes and not just wait for change to come. so i decided to take it in stride, one step at a time.
the first thing i did was to quit my job. my job is my daily source of unhappiness. the kind where i'd rather camp in my room the whole day to read for the 23rd time the whole Harry Potter series on a beautiful Tuesday morning than dress up to go to work and waste 9 long hours on doing something i hate doing. everyday, i always need to motivate myself, more specifically, to remind myself that i needed to earn money, just to get out of bed and go to work. i always end up coming to work almost two hours late or else, making up 101 excuses on why i would not be able to report to work. that is how i despise my job at that time. so of course, if i wanted to rid my life of the things that make me unhappy, that is where i should start. a few hours after i wrote my 'lackluster' post, i quit my job. less than a week after that, i became officially unemployed.
of course quitting my job isn't an easy thing to do. i am a breadwinner. my family's life depends on my job. that is the reason why i stayed there for almost 5 years. but certain sacrifices have to be made. risks have to be taken. my decision raised eyebrows of some of the people around me. they thought i was being selfish and irrational. but i did not explain my actions to them. what for? they would not understand whatever i say anyway. so i stood by my decision. in the end, i proved them all wrong. a few days after i quit my job, i found a new job on a multi-national company and 2 months later, i flew to Spain for a 3-week business trip. i felt vindicated!
imagine my happiness when i learned that i was chosen to go to Spain after being in the company for just 2 months! i never felt so blessed in my life until that moment. (of course, my whole Spain trip - Madrid and Barcelona - deserves a separate blog post of its own) it felt like all my hardwork have been rewarded. it made me realize that i'm still blessed. it put my whole life into a whole new perspective. after i came back from the trip, i felt a whole new vigor and i vowed to continue making positive changes in my life. continue chasing my dreams.
for years, i have been living on my own. i preferred it that way. i always find myself to be independent in nature. even when i was younger, i couldn't remember a time that i asked my parents for help on my homework, no matter how difficult it is. if i don't know the answer, i will try to browse all the resource materials i have until i find it. it doesn't work all the time of course. but it gives me a certain pride whenever i get a high score knowing that i worked hard for it. the same applies on my personal life. i always try to solve my problems on my own. somehow, i feel that it made me stronger. so living on my own has never been a problem for me. it may get lonely sometimes, yes, but i sometimes find solitude comforting. i thrive in silence. whenever i am alone, i just get burried on my own thoughts and somehow feel at peace. that's my all-time favorite past-time by the way, thinking. my imagination is so deep i can spend the whole day just thinking about anything under the sun. sometimes, even when i am around people, i just sit there in silence and just think.
but i got tired of being alone. i get so lonely whenever i come home to an empty house. i feel that i'll lose my marbles whenever i spend even just a day alone. thinking a lot has become exhausting. i feel that my problems are magnified whenever i am alone in my house with no one to talk to. i could no longer stand to be alone. in time, i began to come home at my place less and less. in the end, i stopped coming home altogether. i decided to drop my place and live with my boyfriend.
the new set-up had a lot of getting-used to. i now had to do the laundry for two, not just mine. i need to learn how to cook. i learned to remove the long strands of hair clinging to the shower drain. i learned to accept the fact that i could not watch iron chef america in peace because he will sometimes grab the remote and change the channel to UFC. but i am happy. it feels so good to come home to a house where someone is waiting for you with delicious, home-cooked meal. it also feels good to do the same in return. it feels good to be taken care of and care for someone in return. we do not yet treat each other as husband and wife. we're still boyfriend-girlfriend. the only difference is we live in the same roof. we do not yet think of getting married because it will just complicate things. we are happy this way. the set-up is for practical reasons. we could both save for our future but still help our own families. and we're happy this way. it may have raised the ire of some people but we don't care. we may not share the same principles as them but our own principles tell us that we are not doing anything wrong. we are still supporting our own families. isn't that what they are bothered for anyway?
my relationship with my family has also improved. since i was living away from them, i decided to visit them more often. i love them dearly. i feel very protective of them. i will not let anyone hurt them. i know that problems will always be there but as long as were together, we can surpass anything. we have been through a lot and that made us stronger. we can withstand anything.
during the past six months, a lot of things has happened. both good and bad. but i realized that bad things will always be there, no matter how much you try to avoid it. they're inevitable. but they're always there for a reason. they add the spice to life. they teach you lessons. they make you stronger. and they make you look forward to the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
i am happier now. i learned to look at the bright side of every situation, no matter how bad it is. i have wanted changed. i did everything in my power to achieve that change. and now i am reaping the fruits of that change. of course there will always be bumps along the road. that's given. but i know that i can breeze through it because haven't i been cruising along life's bumps all my life? and i'm still here ain't it? i'm still thriving. so bring it on, i say. let's rock and roll!
the first thing i did was to quit my job. my job is my daily source of unhappiness. the kind where i'd rather camp in my room the whole day to read for the 23rd time the whole Harry Potter series on a beautiful Tuesday morning than dress up to go to work and waste 9 long hours on doing something i hate doing. everyday, i always need to motivate myself, more specifically, to remind myself that i needed to earn money, just to get out of bed and go to work. i always end up coming to work almost two hours late or else, making up 101 excuses on why i would not be able to report to work. that is how i despise my job at that time. so of course, if i wanted to rid my life of the things that make me unhappy, that is where i should start. a few hours after i wrote my 'lackluster' post, i quit my job. less than a week after that, i became officially unemployed.
of course quitting my job isn't an easy thing to do. i am a breadwinner. my family's life depends on my job. that is the reason why i stayed there for almost 5 years. but certain sacrifices have to be made. risks have to be taken. my decision raised eyebrows of some of the people around me. they thought i was being selfish and irrational. but i did not explain my actions to them. what for? they would not understand whatever i say anyway. so i stood by my decision. in the end, i proved them all wrong. a few days after i quit my job, i found a new job on a multi-national company and 2 months later, i flew to Spain for a 3-week business trip. i felt vindicated!
imagine my happiness when i learned that i was chosen to go to Spain after being in the company for just 2 months! i never felt so blessed in my life until that moment. (of course, my whole Spain trip - Madrid and Barcelona - deserves a separate blog post of its own) it felt like all my hardwork have been rewarded. it made me realize that i'm still blessed. it put my whole life into a whole new perspective. after i came back from the trip, i felt a whole new vigor and i vowed to continue making positive changes in my life. continue chasing my dreams.
for years, i have been living on my own. i preferred it that way. i always find myself to be independent in nature. even when i was younger, i couldn't remember a time that i asked my parents for help on my homework, no matter how difficult it is. if i don't know the answer, i will try to browse all the resource materials i have until i find it. it doesn't work all the time of course. but it gives me a certain pride whenever i get a high score knowing that i worked hard for it. the same applies on my personal life. i always try to solve my problems on my own. somehow, i feel that it made me stronger. so living on my own has never been a problem for me. it may get lonely sometimes, yes, but i sometimes find solitude comforting. i thrive in silence. whenever i am alone, i just get burried on my own thoughts and somehow feel at peace. that's my all-time favorite past-time by the way, thinking. my imagination is so deep i can spend the whole day just thinking about anything under the sun. sometimes, even when i am around people, i just sit there in silence and just think.
but i got tired of being alone. i get so lonely whenever i come home to an empty house. i feel that i'll lose my marbles whenever i spend even just a day alone. thinking a lot has become exhausting. i feel that my problems are magnified whenever i am alone in my house with no one to talk to. i could no longer stand to be alone. in time, i began to come home at my place less and less. in the end, i stopped coming home altogether. i decided to drop my place and live with my boyfriend.
the new set-up had a lot of getting-used to. i now had to do the laundry for two, not just mine. i need to learn how to cook. i learned to remove the long strands of hair clinging to the shower drain. i learned to accept the fact that i could not watch iron chef america in peace because he will sometimes grab the remote and change the channel to UFC. but i am happy. it feels so good to come home to a house where someone is waiting for you with delicious, home-cooked meal. it also feels good to do the same in return. it feels good to be taken care of and care for someone in return. we do not yet treat each other as husband and wife. we're still boyfriend-girlfriend. the only difference is we live in the same roof. we do not yet think of getting married because it will just complicate things. we are happy this way. the set-up is for practical reasons. we could both save for our future but still help our own families. and we're happy this way. it may have raised the ire of some people but we don't care. we may not share the same principles as them but our own principles tell us that we are not doing anything wrong. we are still supporting our own families. isn't that what they are bothered for anyway?
my relationship with my family has also improved. since i was living away from them, i decided to visit them more often. i love them dearly. i feel very protective of them. i will not let anyone hurt them. i know that problems will always be there but as long as were together, we can surpass anything. we have been through a lot and that made us stronger. we can withstand anything.
during the past six months, a lot of things has happened. both good and bad. but i realized that bad things will always be there, no matter how much you try to avoid it. they're inevitable. but they're always there for a reason. they add the spice to life. they teach you lessons. they make you stronger. and they make you look forward to the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
i am happier now. i learned to look at the bright side of every situation, no matter how bad it is. i have wanted changed. i did everything in my power to achieve that change. and now i am reaping the fruits of that change. of course there will always be bumps along the road. that's given. but i know that i can breeze through it because haven't i been cruising along life's bumps all my life? and i'm still here ain't it? i'm still thriving. so bring it on, i say. let's rock and roll!
