I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard
way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning,
middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment
and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.
Delicious Ambiguity.
2 nights ago, I had this weird dream about my dad. I woke up in the middle of the night, teary-eyed, before I finally realized that it was all just a bad dream and that it ain't true, and hopefully, it ain't gonna happen.
In my dream, I was being scolded by my aunt for not coming home to Tarlac on November 1st, All Saint's Day, to visit my father's grave. I was crying as she was telling me this and I was so furious with myself for not even remembering to visit the grave of my own father. When I woke up, I kept thinking it over and over if my dad was really dead until it finally dawned on me that my father's still alive, not 100% well and healthy, but alive, nevertheless.
But eventhough I know that it was just a bad dream, I still felt scared and uneasy afterwards, I had a hard time going back to sleep. You see, last year, I also had a bad dream concerning my dad. In my dream, I was told that my dad was in the hospital again (he was hospitalized that same year for his first stroke, a complication of his diabetes and high-blood pressure) and that he was critical. A few hours later, I received an sms from my mom saying that my dad was indeed in the hospital, he suffered a second stroke and was having internal hemorrhage on his head. I was so horrified to learn that my dream was real. Fortunately, my dad recovered from the stroke. He could not speak and walk properly, and he would be on lifetime medication, but he's still with us and it's all that matters to me.
My latest dream about him didn't come true. Thank God. I don't know what I would do if ever that happens. I love my father so much. Although we may not have the same relationship as before and he may not be, in certain ways, the same father I grew up knowing and loving, he's still my father. He gave me life. He raised me to become what I am now. And no matter what other people might say, he was a good father to us. He might have changed, but I know, we know, that in his heart, he still loves us so much. And for that, I will forever be grateful to him and will love him for all my life.
In my dream, I was being scolded by my aunt for not coming home to Tarlac on November 1st, All Saint's Day, to visit my father's grave. I was crying as she was telling me this and I was so furious with myself for not even remembering to visit the grave of my own father. When I woke up, I kept thinking it over and over if my dad was really dead until it finally dawned on me that my father's still alive, not 100% well and healthy, but alive, nevertheless.
But eventhough I know that it was just a bad dream, I still felt scared and uneasy afterwards, I had a hard time going back to sleep. You see, last year, I also had a bad dream concerning my dad. In my dream, I was told that my dad was in the hospital again (he was hospitalized that same year for his first stroke, a complication of his diabetes and high-blood pressure) and that he was critical. A few hours later, I received an sms from my mom saying that my dad was indeed in the hospital, he suffered a second stroke and was having internal hemorrhage on his head. I was so horrified to learn that my dream was real. Fortunately, my dad recovered from the stroke. He could not speak and walk properly, and he would be on lifetime medication, but he's still with us and it's all that matters to me.
My latest dream about him didn't come true. Thank God. I don't know what I would do if ever that happens. I love my father so much. Although we may not have the same relationship as before and he may not be, in certain ways, the same father I grew up knowing and loving, he's still my father. He gave me life. He raised me to become what I am now. And no matter what other people might say, he was a good father to us. He might have changed, but I know, we know, that in his heart, he still loves us so much. And for that, I will forever be grateful to him and will love him for all my life.
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